Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He has the fingertips of a God
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