sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
