not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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