Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
