This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
