babies were throwing up all over the place
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
