Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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