And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
