I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
