My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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