i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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