Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
