Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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