Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well I just put wine in my tea
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
