we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
