she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
