How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
