Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
