i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
