I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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