1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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