Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
