Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
