____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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