I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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