one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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