R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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