Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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