I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
