I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
