i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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