Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
