Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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