is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I intend to get homeless drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
