Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
