a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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