If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
