this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
