Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
