so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
