I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
