so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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