Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
