This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
