Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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