The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
