I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
