i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Houston, we have a blender
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
