i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
