I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
