first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The uberlube is also flammable
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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