yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
